Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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