i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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