you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
