How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
