There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
