theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Text me some of your sweat
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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