I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
