I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
