Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
