I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
