Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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