I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
