I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
