She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
