Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
