Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
