somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
