I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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