He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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