So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
