doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
