If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
