but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
