im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
