Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
