i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
