His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
