dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think your dad took our porno
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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