I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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