I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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