I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
