Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
