I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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