I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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