I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
