some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
