the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
