I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
