Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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