we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
