and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
