After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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