Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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