my mouth tastes like poor choices
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ttyl tear gas
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
