I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize