I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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