I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think a kid would responsible me up
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please don't give away my fajitas
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
