1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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