I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
