I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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