Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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