How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize