i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
