She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
