you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And then he peed in my hair
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