At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
