If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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