Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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