she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
