OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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