Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
