I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
