Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
