just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This house was built for laser tag.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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