It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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