The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
